This verse reminds me of something my dad always said as I was growing up, “What goes around comes around.” What you do will come back to you. That is what this verse is saying. If you don’t want to be judged, don’t judge. If you don’t want to be condemned, don’t condemn. If you want to be forgiven, forgive.

Sounds simple. It’s not. It is our natural bent to judge. It is our natural bent to condemn. And it is, most certainly, our nature to walk in unforgiveness. Doing the opposite requires that God work a miracle in our hearts and minds.

Maybe you’re like me and you wrestle with trying to forgive. Here are some thoughts that might help to live with a heart of forgiveness:

God began the work of forgiveness before you said, “I’m sorry”

Forgiveness is rooted in the Gospel. Because God forgave us, we should forgive others. How did God forgive us? “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” He secured our forgiveness before we could try to say “I’m sorry”, pay restitution, or make things right. Forgiveness was offered as a free gift of His love and grace. This is the model we are called to walk in. If someone has wronged us, our forgiveness must be offered regardless of what that person may or may not do. Before we know if they will ever apologize or seek to make things right, we are called to forgive.

The person who walks in forgiveness knows that the other person may never apologize for their actions or repent for the wrong they may have done. Therefore our forgiving must not depend upon what they do or don’t do. Living like this allows us to be free, even if the one who offended us never changes or apologizes. We are commanded to forgive regardless of the other person. 

Forgive, before the problem is solved

Many times when someone has hurt us in some way it can leave behind a wake of consequences that last and continue to bring pain. The human response is to hold this against the person as long as the problem remains. We might even speak words of forgiveness, but on the inside, we still hold bitterness because the problem and pain continue. How hard it is to walk in forgiveness when daily we are experiencing the pain and trouble caused by the sin.

We are called to forgive NOW. This is the example we find in scripture. While Jesus was hanging on the cross He said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34). While Stephen was still being stoned he forgave, “And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ And when he had said this, he fell asleep” (Acts 7:60).

Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling

This is an area where I struggle. Wounds hurt and may hurt for a long time. Forgiving is not a matter of pain or no pain, it is a decision. We can forgive even if the pain is still strong and difficult. As Jesus was feeling the horrendous pain of the cross, He forgave. Don’t let your emotions fool you and guide you. It is a choice you make, and you can choose to forgive even if you continue to walk in the pain. Just because you still feel the wound that doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven, but it may be necessary to continue to remind yourself that forgiveness is the choice you are making even as you shed a tear for the pain.

God is going to use this for good

The lesson we learn in the life of Joseph is that the sovereign hand of God is at work to do good, even through the sin and wicked actions of others (Gen. 50:20). Joseph understood this and therefore modeled a forgiving heart for us. Wherever you may be in the experience — maybe the wound is fresh and painful, maybe it has been there a long time and has left a sore spot in your heart and mind — it is much easier to forgive when you hold tightly to the reality that God’s hand of providence is at work. He has promised that in all things He is working for our good (Romans 8:28). It is quite possible that God will turn this thing that has caused much pain, into something that brings protection, provision, or blessing to you and others.

We forgive because God forgave us

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). Forgiveness is the heart of the Gospel. We are a forgiven people. We were all guilty and deserving of eternal punishment, but God in His mercy and grace gave forgiveness. Because of this, forgiveness is the hallmark of being a Christian. We are commanded to love others as God has loved us, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34–35). 

When we love as Jesus has loved us, it is one of the greatest tools for evangelism and missions. When people see the love we walk in, they will know we are Jesus’ disciples. It is this kind of love that gives the evidence that we are real — true followers of Jesus.

If you are struggling today to forgive someone who has hurt you. My prayer for you is that you may be quick to forgive. May you forgive even if the pain is still fresh and the trouble still present. May you model the love Christ had for you and choose to forgive fully, that you may have freedom and rest, and that Jesus may be exalted.